a flickering spark wanting to be appreciated for her warmth



<3 SONGS!

Fields of Gold - Sting
You were meant for me - Jewel
If i ain't got you - Alicia Keys
All of me - John Legend
Home - Phillip Phillips
L-O-V-E - Nat King Cole
How long will I love you - Ellie Goulding
The Glory of Love - The Five Keys

She has left.
I remember it was Sunday. Last day of May. I remember she was in pain for a while. I remember she could not longer speak. I remember my Grandmother, and she left quietly after every one of us came to say goodbye.

You never really forget someone, or get over someone. You just choose to keep them in a corner of your heart and mind. For some of them, you take them out and flip through the memories like a photo album. For others, you just brush the thoughts aside and get on with life.

I thank God for the blessings in my life, and for the good things to come. Amen.

Labels: 2017, death, emo, God, grandma, health, life, love, memories, peace, Sam Smith, songs, time, too good at goodbyes

The train carriage was quiet although most of the seats were taken. There was a lady reading a magazine, a teenage boy bobbing his head to the music playing through his headphones, an old couple staring into space with their hands held on tightly together and a couple of tired workers with their eyes half-shut. I was sitting there looking around and thinking about plans for tomorrow when the carriage doors open and in ran two young children with their father behind them. He sat down quietly beside me. His two children were chasing round the poles and loud laughter and shrill shrieks were heard from time to time.I turned to look at my neighbour and he was nonchalantly staring into space. It was as if he could not hear nor see the ruckus. I looked around the carriage to see if anyone was also bothered by the scene. A few exchanged looks with me and gave a disapproving look while the rest did not stir. I closed my eyes and hoped that the children would tire soon and sit down with their father. It felt like a long wait. Finally, I turned to tap on his shoulders. 

"Excuse me sir, could you ask your children not to run and shout?"

"I'm sorry. We just returned from the hospital. Their mother just passed on. I'm not sure what to do either."

This story was adapted from a story I've heard during a workshop. It was about making assumptions. In our daily lives, we often make assumptions based on our own experiences, senses, beliefs and perspectives. Today, I sat in the bus on my way to the hospital to accompany my mother. My uncle is not well and appears to be in a critical and delicate situation. I was troubled. Yet, I was reminded of that story, of how I am troubled and how everyone on the bus might have viewed me. The least likely opinion that they would have of me is that my loved one is not well. And I looked around, wondering what is everyone's story. Do they have an amazing or unhappy childhood? Are they healthy or are they sick? Do they have financial security or instability?

Everyone has a story. I don't want his to end. God bless him. I really hope he becomes better and that he will wake up to smile to me again. Pray for him.

Labels: 2014, emo, family, God, health, kinship, love, pray, stories, uncle

1. Like everything else, there is always a curve. X-axis as one of the 3 factors and Y-axis as the happiness level. Up to a certain point, happiness level will plateau. No matter how much more money, health and security is given, you won't be any more happier.
2. Happiness and contentment are different concepts but they are also mindsets. They are determined by the individual and are dependent on the amount of resources and the circumstances in which one is bounded by. For e.g., I am born in a farm and I am contented with life as long as i am healthy to work, have food, shelter and my family in good health. I am happy when the weather is good, harvest is good and when there are no natural disasters or poor health. However, if I am ambitious and not contented with a little farm house because I've seen bigger houses on TV or I am driven by factors like i need more money to seek treatment for a family member, then I may not be happy with life and would want to go out there to earn more money.
3. Someone can be contented with life at how it is now because their knowledge of a good life is shaped by their society and culture. Maybe if they are given knowledge of alternative forms of good life, they may no longer be contented and happy with life. 
4. So maybe the northies are contented with life because that's the life they are born into and they are bounded by circumstances (i.e., they cannot leave the country). Therefore, they might as well live their life to the fullest. Are they happy and contented? Yes, at this point in time. However, given the freedom of choice to leave or stay? Some may want to, others may not. Because everyone has a different plateau/peak in the curve.
5. The beggars you see along streets or children with bloated stomachs because they have lack of proteins in their diets? They are probably happy and contented if they can have food and shelter everyday. Is that the end? To let them choose food and shelter everyday or a chance at being educated and work for a living? I won't be surprised if some choose option 1 and others, option 2. Because everyone has a different plateau/peak in the curve. However to not give them the basic food and shelter and security, then they are at the start of the curve and would therefore, definitely not be happy or contented.
6. In short, happiness is a very very effy concept and has many grey areas. The only way to know if someone is happy, is simply to ask. Even then, they may not really know better either. Most importantly, neither do we. It's a self-perceived value afterall.

Labels: 2013, 2014, BFF, food, happiness, health, holiday, hope, korea, love, north korea, peace, seoul, ski, snow, travel, wealth, winter, work, yongpyong ski resort

Labels: 2013, emo, family, grandma, health, hope, iron and wine, love, melancholy, na ying, old songs, pray, upward over the mountain, valen hsu, worry, 潘越雲

Finally I'm relieved of my MES duties on 23rd June. 4 gorgeous ladies are the new Queens. I'll continue to go green though. Always did because I have always felt guilty for wasting things.
Like I've always said, "Every little green action counts!"

Sigh, I'd love to be in another pageant but I guess I'm over-aged. Gosh!
People always wonder why I join pageants. Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is dressing up!
Asking me to put on full makeup, fake lashes, walk gracefully everyday is not gonna happen but i like that idea once in awhile and what better time to do it than during beauty contests. We get made up by professionals, hair blown, beautiful dresses, make friends with other gorgeous ladies. I like that.

I like proving stereotypes wrong too. I think beautiful people who join beauty contests do not necessarily make them bimbos or lowly/poorly educated. Many of us are well educated, well groomed, confident and articulated ladies. =)
And so, joining pageant has become my interest. Of course, it is not my ONLY interest.

MES has been one of the more enjoyable ones because contestants are really nice people and made good friends. I remember one of the pageants I joined left an unpleasant aftertaste though. The winner had allegedly bought her titles.The winner and the organisation should feel guilty and ashamed. Oh well. Adds to the experience of joining pageants. =D


Finally, my favorite part of June was my West Coast trip to LA, SF, Vegas and Canyon. It was a great experience driving long distances, comfortable silences, beautiful landscapes and buildings, friendly animals and people, amazing food and great weather.
I got too tanned for my liking and that's not so nice though.
Lots of shopping, Coach, Kate Spade, Tiffany's, Tods, etc.
Watched Temper Trap.
Went Disneyland in LA!!!
Took hotair balloon.
Went wineries.
Gambled in Vegas.
Watched Cirque de Soleil.
Venice Beach was pleasantly pretty.
There were some bumps along the way but overall, i think it was enjoyable. Can't wait to go the East Coast like NYC or Washington next trip!





I can feel all my emotional baggage weighing on me. Many of my girl friends are hitched this year but there are long term relationships like more than 4 years, that have crumbled and failed. It's really quite sad but I'm sure they will move on. Whether it was a good choice or not, only time will tell. Like a friend mentioned yesterday, "Everytime I attend a wedding, it's a happy scene but I'm really fighting a mini-crisis inside me". Totally understand!

I'm gonna hang in there and hold out for a year. I must tell myself that that's all it's worth waiting for, a year. I want to find someone whom I love, who has wit and humour, who is emotionally and financially secured, who makes me happy, who is willing to look past my flaws and is patient and kind to me, appreciate my strengths and encourage me, love me and care for me because he wants to and sees me as a life partner in sickness and in health, in richness and in poor, for all our lives together.

All together now... Awwww... so God bless us all. Amen.

Labels: 2012, california, emo, happiness, health, jason mraz, love, MES 2011, relationships, USA

I wish for better relationships at home and at work and with D. I wanna have more money and time to travel more.

Most importantly, I wish for peace, love, health and great happiness.

Labels: 2011, 2012, family, friends, happiness, health, love, peace, travel, work

Previously on Earth

Leave a comment anywhere if you're interested in something pretty here.

Brand New Bags!

Good for weekends and work. Able to put magazines, files, notebook, ipad and a bottle of water to hydrate in this sunny weather.
Rich pebbled cowhide leather and a structured tote shape accented with 14 karat gold-plated hardware.
Contrast top-stitching with a double flat shoulder strap and a KATE SPADE NEW YORK" name plaque on the front center of the bag.
Has concealed zip-top closure that opens up to a pretty woven floral lining.
Has two open pockets trimmed in leather and a zipper pocket with leather accents and a "KATE SPADE NEW YORK" name plaque stitched into it.
ORP: US$365
Asking for $480!
Brand New With Tag. No dustbag.
20" Shoulder Straps
8" Shoulder Strap Drop
16" Width
13.5" Height
6" Depth


Longchamp Le Pliage in Rouge & Blanc


Favorite classic tote from Longchamp - Le Pliage in Blanc & Rouge
Zippered Tote
12" Long Handle - Cowhide Leather
1 Main Compartment with Zipper Opening and 1 Internal Pocket on the Front
Foldable for Easy Storage when Not In Use
Dimensions: 31x30x19cm
Made In France
Brand New!
ORP: $245
Asking for $185

History

August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 February 2015 June 2015 September 2015 February 2016 August 2016 December 2016 April 2017 October 2017