a flickering spark wanting to be appreciated for her warmth



<3 SONGS!

Fields of Gold - Sting
You were meant for me - Jewel
If i ain't got you - Alicia Keys
All of me - John Legend
Home - Phillip Phillips
L-O-V-E - Nat King Cole
How long will I love you - Ellie Goulding
The Glory of Love - The Five Keys

My journey in Melbourne is coming to an end. I started at where I began in life but older and none the wiser. I'm sad, and I wished the earth would swallow me up. It's gonna be a challenging Christmas and New Year.

I thought I had gained, but at the end, I lost more than I have ever thought I would.

Still, I thank God for the wonderful things that have happened. I believe there are good plans ahead, and I still have hope. Amen.

Labels: 2016, accident, blessed, emo, God, graduation, life, love, melbourne, sad, school

It has been 1 year, 3 months, 20 days since the accident. Do I still remember what happened then? Of course. The people crowding around me asking for my details, asking if I am ok. I remembered my abdomen hurts like @*#&@, I curled up on the grass patch, not wanting to move, afraid to break something. The paramedics finally reached, in what was like forever. I was brought up the ambulance, and asked what was my level of pain. I was given morphine once, the pain was still high, and I was given more, finally I felt less pain. What I felt more of, was fear. Fear of what was happening, going to happen, will happen. I don't want to know I am seriously injured. In the first hospital, I was terrified but comforted the crying driver by saying I'm ok. Perhaps, I am comforting myself, by saying I am ok. I didn't think I would have a serious injury, and the accident didn't seem too bad, and the other two girls looked fine. But I wasn't fine. My neck was in a brace. I felt pain from the bruises on my hip and arms and shoulders. I still had pain in my abdomen.

The nurses said my x-ray showed that my back bone was broken.

I didn't know what was the extent. I was scared, and I texted my brother. I was worried but I didn't want my poor mum to be worried, I asked, 'should i tell mum?' He said I should.

The company I was with showed concerned but they continued on their journey. I wouldn't have wanted otherwise, I would feel guilty, yet it was a little sad to realise at that moment that these weren't your close friends, they were your camp mates.

I was airlifted to RMH and left in the emergency room for what was another century. My clothes had to be cut away to prevent aggravating the injury. I was upset, I didn't want them to cut my new pants and top. Perhaps, I was upset wondering 'is my injury that bad?'

I was in hospital for a week. I had numerous tests. I couldn't eat and couldn't shower and needed painkillers to sleep.

I still remembered the moment I saw my mum, I cried, even though I had told myself not to because that would worry her. My caring classmates came visit and helped my mum and aunt settle in quickly. I appreciated that alot, because I couldn't be there for my family.

It was a terrible and horrible period for me. I needed help with daily chores. I had to be in a back brace. I had to eat painkillers multiple times a day. I felt bad that my mum with chronic pain herself had to help me. I cried knowing that crying wouldn't help, and I got angry at people despite their help. I asked God why, and I still do.

I want to be well. I want to run, jump, fly. I went for counselling, I went for physiotherapy, I did everything I had to, hoping I would be well enough by now to at least run and jump.

Everyone tells me I will get well. What is well? When? Running at 21 is different from running at 31 is different from running at 41.

Don't tell me I should go for more sessions, I should get well, I should this and that. Yes, the accident happened, but my life goes on, and life only has 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Of course I want to return to normalcy. Of course I don't want pain. It upsets me when others think I am not doing enough, or that eventually things will be okay. They fail to see that in the mean time, I'm living my life in pain. In the mean time, I am not me but I'm still living me as much as I can.

Labels: 2016, accident, australia, life, pain

Labels: 2015, accident, australia, God, hope, kangeroo, life, love, victoria

Previously on Earth

Leave a comment anywhere if you're interested in something pretty here.

Brand New Bags!

Good for weekends and work. Able to put magazines, files, notebook, ipad and a bottle of water to hydrate in this sunny weather.
Rich pebbled cowhide leather and a structured tote shape accented with 14 karat gold-plated hardware.
Contrast top-stitching with a double flat shoulder strap and a KATE SPADE NEW YORK" name plaque on the front center of the bag.
Has concealed zip-top closure that opens up to a pretty woven floral lining.
Has two open pockets trimmed in leather and a zipper pocket with leather accents and a "KATE SPADE NEW YORK" name plaque stitched into it.
ORP: US$365
Asking for $480!
Brand New With Tag. No dustbag.
20" Shoulder Straps
8" Shoulder Strap Drop
16" Width
13.5" Height
6" Depth


Longchamp Le Pliage in Rouge & Blanc


Favorite classic tote from Longchamp - Le Pliage in Blanc & Rouge
Zippered Tote
12" Long Handle - Cowhide Leather
1 Main Compartment with Zipper Opening and 1 Internal Pocket on the Front
Foldable for Easy Storage when Not In Use
Dimensions: 31x30x19cm
Made In France
Brand New!
ORP: $245
Asking for $185

History

August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 February 2015 June 2015 September 2015 February 2016 August 2016 December 2016 April 2017 October 2017